10 Things Made “Smart”, That Ended Up Being Just Plain Dumb.

We can constantly see the growth of Smart-Technology, and most of us at least own a smart-phone or tablet. As time goes on, more and more concepts of smart-technology have been introduced to us, such as the Smart-Watch all the way through to the smart teapot, you’ll never have to boil a kettle again!


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(Image From: https://garageio.com/)

Ever been fed up of having to open your garage door with its normal remote? If so, Garageio may just be the thing for you. Starting at $199 for 1 a one door garage, you can now use your smartphone to open and control your garage door, whenever and wherever you want! Is that all? No! You can even use Alexa’s voice commands to open your garage door from the comfort of your living room! Personally I don’t know what all the fuss is about, and i’m not sure how this is easier than the conventional clicker on your car keys. I guess this could be good for some practical jokes on your family, when your out of town; or a great way to scare that annoying cat that’s always sleeping on your driveway at will.



(Image From: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/258723592/toasteroid-first-app-controlled-smart-image-toaste )

Yep you guessed it, the smart device we all need… a smart toaster. Toasteroid allows us all to print images on to our toast, but it doesn’t just stop there! Ever failed to get through to your friends via text? Well now you can message them via toast! From sending your mates pictures, the weather or personalised messages, you can ruin their morning in so many new and interesting ways, because who doesn’t want to be sat in the kitchen at 7 a.m eating a piece of toast with a rain cloud on it? With $187,849 worth of backing this appliance could be coming to a kitchen near you.

Laurastar Smart Iron

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(Image from: https://www.laurastar.co.uk/en/ironing-systems/laurastar-smart-u-366 )

Ever wondered how much a smart iron will set you back? Me neither. The Laurastar smart iron starts at $1,400. However, if you want a top of the range smart iron this can set you back upwards of $3,699. It’s main objective: To teach you how to iron properly. For $1,400 this may seem a little bit excessive, and well, that’s because it is. While Laurastar do make high end irons, if I ever had doubts in my ironing ability it’d be a push to say i’d even Google how to get better at ironing. Along with the high price point, you can connect your newfangled iron to your smartphone, and get a whole host of readings about what your iron is doing, how hot it is, and how much steam is coming out. Now i’m no iron aficionado, nor do I aim to be, but I do know how to change some dials and press a button to make sure my clothes are neither wrinkled, or burnt to a crisp. However, if you aren’t as iron savvy as me then you could use this to pick up your pressing game, I guess.


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(Image From: https://smartypans.io/ )

If you’ve ever started cooking and forgot what’s in your frying pan, then this device is for you. You’ve got it, SmartyPans detects what you’ve put in your pan, and tells your smartphone. Let’s be honest, if you can’t tell what your cooking than dinner is probably ruined, and cooking isn’t your thing. So unless you want to fork out $209 to figure out what is for dinner, stick to Just Eat.


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(Image From: https://spire.io/?gclid=CjwKCAiA47DTBRAUEiwA4luU2XiAmWutK5mQJ_UhofKSRz8BD1GFbFTqMEsLdQIFj0hZZ6gSHS-wCRoCRtcQAvD_BwE )

Finally a wearable that will tell you when your stressed. We all want to be told how stressed we are when we are gritting are teeth and going into an anxiety attack. With Spire costing around $150, I can imagine that will just add another reason for the user to be stressed. So if you can’t tell when your stressed, and instead would like to be reminded (constantly) by your phone, then go for it, but I can only see this making matters worse.

Kinsa Smart Thermometer

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(Image From: https://www.kinsahealth.com/products )

Now i’m not sure why, but the geniuses at Kinsa have finally found away to combine a rectal thermometer with social media. That’s right, you can now share with the world just how warm your rectum really is. You can share your information with work colleagues, and see how everyone else is doing (Top Tip: Don’t share your information the day after a visit to the local curry-house). The Kinsa Smart Thermometer will tell you how too “soothe yourself”, as well as telling you when you should call the doctor. Things the likes of a quick google search would defiantly not be able to provide… right? At only $20 it’s a brand new way to share too much information with the ones you love.

The Griffin Connected Mirror


(Image From: https://griffintechnology.com/us/ces-2017 )

Ever wanted a new way to see your Twitter feed behind a collection of thumb prints, while sprucing yourself up in the morning? Well this is just what The Griffin Connected Mirror is offering. Starting at $1000, this mirror can tell you the weather, what new twitter rivalries are trending, and let you do your hair at the same time. As if we don’t already have enough ways to check the weather. It’ll only be a matter of time till we have a smart window telling us it’s nice and sunny outside, although even with it saying that, it’d probably be overcast and damp.



(Image From: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/smartmat-the-world-s-first-intelligent-yoga-mat#/ )

Fancy doing some soul cleansing yoga to unwind? The SmartMat is part yoga mat and part unenthusiastic-robotic yoga instructor that likes to ruin your inner peace, by telling you just how bad you are at yoga. This new way to be criticised while relaxing will only cost you $347, but how many uses will you get out of it before you hide it away in the back of a closet is the real test here. I would recommended pairing this with Spire, and seeing just how quickly you can bring on a tech-induced panic attack. Seriously, a yoga mat that aims on bringing you down? Who comes up with this stuff.

Hushme Voice Mask


(Image From: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1322999047/hushme-the-worlds-first-voice-mask-for-smartphones )

Now you can take all of those important phone calls without disturbing others, at the consequence of looking like your straight out of Silence of The Lambs. To further mask the sound of your voice the Hushme has got you covered, with noises such as Monkey calls and R2D2 no one will ever be able to decipher what you are saying. I’m not sure why you can’t just leave the room for a private call, or talk in a lower voice, but if you can’t, and you have $200, this device might just be for you.



(Image From: https://www.theverge.com/2017/9/1/16243356/juicero-shut-down-lay-off-refund )

The $400 juicer that won’t work without WiFi. Probably not their marketing campaign slogan. Relying on pre-made sachets of ingredients much like a Nespresso this kinda takes away the whole ‘juicing’ idea. Each sachet costs somewhere between $5-$8 meaning it might just be as easy to hit up your local juice bar, if that’s what your into. The CEO has actually compared himself to the likes of Steve Jobs. However it’s worth mentioning, unlike Apple, Juicero is shutting down.

Poor show Doug, poor show.

Written by, Steven Anthony Moore.

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